The Final Fantasy Versus XIII ACC Trailer Spoof
by secretgal
Summary: I did with Final Fantasy XIII, now it's time for Versus...again. I appologize here for any stupid or flat jokes.


The trailer begins with a black screen. We then see a new message: _This is a fantasy based on reality_. What they don't mention is that this is really Tetsuya Nomura's reality…b^%$^. We're screwed. There's then a flashy recap of the previous trailers that I'm too tired and bored to recap. The screen then fades to black and shows the now well known Shakespeare quote. I'm too lazy to repeat it here, but it's in every trailer so you guys should know the drill by now.

The blackness then turns to a spiral staircase. This looks like the wrap-up party for the previous trailer.

Next we see pointy shoes. I should correct that by saying the shoes are black and shiny. I wonder where you can get shoes like that. And that is the last shoe joke I will make in this trailer.

These feet, belong to Noctis, who looks hot. Fan girls squeal in glee.

He then walks up stairs. Something might actually happen, because the last time he was at a staircase, he totally owned like a hundred guards.

At the top of the stairs is a girl. Fan girls of Noctis go on high alert. She's wearing white, which means he is the opposite of Noctis in every way and that they are meant to be together, like Zutara, Clerith, Squinoa, and Bellard. So romantic.

Author is trying her hardest not to make a shoe comment.

The obvious love interest is looking at some sort of painting done by true artist. I have a feeling it represents something later in the plot.

Noctis is continuing to be bored as he stares at the blond girl.

The girl then flips her hair like she's in a Pantene Pro-V Hair Shampoo commercial. I wish I had hair that flips like that…and is knot free…and has that shine. Only the best for a character in a Final Fantasy game.

We then cut to a scene of Noctis and the girl looking at opposite, and opposite being the key word, sides of the screen.

"Are you…are you the main character?" the blond asks as she turns to Noctis.

Noctis takes this question to heart as he turns to face this strange woman. He then notices something and runs to her side. The girl flips her hair again, showing the power to the PS3 and the Squenix sweat shops, and looks up at the ceiling. Actually, there is no ceiling but rather a glass dome showing a stunning night sky.

Hey, you can't see that many stars in a city. I should know. But I call suspension of disbelief.

Pan back to the girl who now looks at the camera out of the corner of her eyes, as if to say, 'You see him fan girls. HE'S MINE!'

"You are the main character! Oh this is so totally awesome. They said you would be here, but I never thought I would actually be able to stand twenty inches from you stubble, sexy body and –"

"Look, can you shut up. I'm sick of the fan girls and their unbelievable attention. I already have Lightning trying to get me to marry her and kill Snow ."

"Oh those fans are annoying."

"Tell me about it."

"However, how many of them can summon a sword that does massive damage to enemies in a single swing? Because I have one that can."

Noctis puts his hands on his sides. "Go on…"

The two walk off screen and the camera focuses on the pretty painting.

"You see, when I was born," Stella monologues, "my mom and dad said I was special. And so I went to the best schools and got all A's, and then I won all the beauty pageants and then I found the cure for cancer and geostigma…"

Camera then turns back to the blond girl as she continues to talk. Noctis looks so bored.

"…So you see, I'm the best girl like ever!"

Noctis rolls his eyes. "You're a real pain, you know that?"

Stella just laughs. "Yeah, some people say that."

"Well, at least you haven't made a Sasuke Uchiha joke, because I get that a lot."

The girl gets excited by this. "Oh, and some people say that I remind them of someone named Riona Heartily." Still trying hard not to make fun of her shoes. "But, I don't have any idea as to who this person is. Do you know, Mr. Main Character?"

"No," Noctis replies bluntly.

We then get a shot of his butt…his hot, asymmetrical Nomura cut.

"All I care about is being bored and having some piece and quiet."

Noctis then sits down on a continently placed couch. "I like being bored," he says.

"I can like being bored too, if you like," the girl replies.

The camera then pans out to see the two of them staring at the stars.

"I wonder," the girl says, "if fate brought us together tonight?"

"Oh, no," Noctis interrupts as he stand up, "No. It was the director. Listen, I have to go miss…"

"Oh, I'm Stella."

"Okay, Stella. I need to go be bored again."

"I should leave too. I need to write this on my blog," Stella says. "You know Noct, you're so cute."

"And you're a crazy stalker."

Stella giggles at this. "I know, right. Well, I'm off to write fan fiction about us getting married."

"Did you just call me Noct?"

"I did indeed and we will have babies and kids that will love us and I will love you forever and we will live in a pretty house together and die together and be in heaven together and it will be wonderful."

"Don't call me Noct…ever again."

"I love you Noctipo!" Stella finally skips away back to the party. And the author gives up on her promise not to make a shoe pun so I'll say it here: Stella's shoes look like clown shoes that were made into platform heels with a tennis shoe feature attached. They are ugly! Oh that felt good.

Finally, Noctis is alone again. He looks up at the ceiling and whispers, "When you wish upon a star…please let me be bored again…forever."

He then walks off, presumably to be bored again. And the trailer ends.


End file.
